Psychological Traits of Successful Expats

Over the 26 years of being an expat therapist in Paris, I have seen many fellow brave souls.

If you are pondering about what it takes to successfully expatriate, read on!

I came here with 3 suitcases and two adorable dachshunds!  I think my doggies had a more stressful time than I did adapting to Paris traffic noise and the loss of their backyard garden.

Paris is a very cosmopolitan city that attracts various nationalities from all over the world who come to live, study and work, so I have been very blessed to have had such cultural diversity in my practice.

The vast majority came with hopes and a serious intention of making France their adopted home.

I have had the good fortune to see many expats who have flourished with successful careers and fulfilling lives.

Those who have chosen to come here generally have been in search of a more fulfilling personal life and culture.  We can not control life, but we can choose to change directions to a different harbour, with greater possibilities of fulfilment.

The psychological traits I see in these expats can be generalised to tackling life anywhere, including staying in your home country, but some are absolutely essential to surviving as an expat.

An important one is being an independent thinker, a non-conformist. Someone who questions or may embrace different thoughts, and is not likely to be swayed to follow the crowd.

From my own personal history, my fifth-grade teacher called me NCC, or non conformist Cherry.  One of my childhood friends commented that I seemed to have marched to a different drummer.

I was lucky to have had and still gratefully enjoy the love and acceptance of my beloved childhood friends, who remain jewels in my life.

I came here for personal reasons and a yearning to follow my dream.    I had been a francophile, and after studying here during my junior year, I always dreamed of returning to live.

My daughter sees me as gutsy and courageous, yet my courage was nourished by a persistent desire for change and personal fulfilment, which I could no longer ignore.

Many recent expats coming to Europe for relocation or retirement have generally lived an established life in their birth country, but find themselves increasingly uncomfortable with the current political or societal ideologies of their communities.

Expats, by the way, carry with them a deep love and concern for the well-being of their home country,  more passionately than you think.

Flexibility, openness, and adaptability are key traits or they won’t make it!  Pour into that a mega dose of patience and tolerance for cultural differences!

Patience, persistence, tolerance and acceptance of cultural differences are key essential traits! 

Expats can’t wilt easily by setbacks, nor be thrown off course.  Call it cultural rodeo riding! 

There will be many challenges and even setbacks that will test your ability to persist with patience!

A good captain maintains course, but might have to deviate temporarily to avoid turbulence or storms.

Efficiency is not a hallmark of the old cultures of Europe, where tradition often impedes change to accomplish things expeditiously!

What would take a few hours to accomplish in the US, can often take days here, and France is not the worst of fellow European countries!

Younger expats wanting to relocate have displayed a certain flare of ingenuity and have an entrepreneurial streak.  I have happily witnessed many go on to develop their own companies aligned with their talents and passions. 

All expats naturally have a genuine curiosity, openness and willingness to learn from others’ cultures!   

Of primary importance is that they don’t have an “island mentality”, where they think their own culture of origin is superior or the only one on earth of value!

Realistic expectations!  Acceptance of cultural differences is essential.  Expats don’t expect things to be done like in their home country, because they won’t!  There is no place for cultural rigidity.

  Celebrating the wonderful diversity and rich traditions of their adopted country is fun and very enriching!

Willingness to invest in learning a new language can’t be overemphasised! 

You will need it, anglophones, however well younger Europeans know English.

The majority of older Europeans, unless they worked in tourist venues or international commerce, generally don’t know English, other than a few words.

I find it utterly necessary to accomplish everyday tasks of living here. Not only is it polite, but it also shows your willingness to embrace their culture; language being the obvious major part of identification. 

Successful expats have a genuine, passionate affection for their adopted country. The language, the culture, and the people. They enjoy talking to them and learning about their lives.

This does not mean you won’t drift to the comfort of speaking your native language and being around fellow expats of your land of origin.  You will, and it is normal.

Most large European cities have well-established expat communities.   If you need that, be sure you choose one compatible with your needs.

There is plenty of information on the net to make an informed choice. However, I highly recommend that you live in your desired location for a few months on a tourist visa, if you can, to get a better feel.

There are many beautiful places in France and Europe that I adore visiting!  Living there is another story!

Realistic expectations!   Changing countries is not a magical solution to life problems. You will carry whatever life’s baggage to your new country. It is not cosmetic mental surgery!

This includes allowing for the stress of life changes, disappointments and setbacks.  Changing countries is very stressful, even if well planned!

A willingness to downsize, unless you can afford a chateau!  Apartments in Paris and other French and European cities are smaller than in the U.S.  Ditto for houses, and small cars that can navigate through narrow medieval villages. 

Accepting not being able to buy things or do business at all hours of the day and night, especially in smaller villages, where shops close for long lunches. 

Restaurants and other businesses,  including some bank branches, often close for several weeks during July and or August for vacations, deemed a sacred right here for all.  Personal relaxation and family time are more valued than making an extra buck.

A few months ago, I read about an American couple who dismissed the lovely historical but provincial city of Nimes in southern France, where they had only visited before moving.

They left Nimes because the wife voiced displeasure at not easily finding a bartender to make dry Martinis, and totally unfounded complaints of not finding fresh vegetables.  Nimes has excellent outdoor marchés with superb produce, as do all larger French communities.

This is a perfect example of poor location choice,  rigidity, and unwillingness to embrace local culture.

Bottom line, know what you need and like and especially experience what it is like living there,  before making any final decisions about moving.

True, I have heard of a few expats who plunge into a location sight unseen, but they are a very daring breed who risk being taken advantage of and or being overwhelmed with disappointments.

Expats are risk takers.  Nothing in life is ensured.  Life is a flowing river of changes, whether you stay put or not.

If you deeply feel you want and need a greener life pasture to flourish, and that desire continues to surface in your life, then go for it!!  Remember, no decision is set in stone.