Putting Yourself In Someones Shoes To Replace Judgement With Empathy And Compassion

My title may seem strange to you and for good reason.  First of all because probably few of us ever really thinks about imagining ourselves in someone else’s shoes.

Learning to replace judgment with empathy and compassion is in my opinion certainly worthy of achieving.

For me, as a  therapist it is essential part of my therapy offered to suffering others as I try to facilitate their struggles out of a painful life entanglement.

You might think that you have a given birth  right to judge others, and of course everyone does it.

I mean why would anyone even give this a thought?  Certainly you can argue that everyone is already busy enough  just trying to take care of themselves, much less caring about the unfortunate plights of someone else.

So why I am I even bringing this up?  Simply because stepping outside of your worries and lives is good practice for those of us who want to be spiritually stretched.

We read about the desperate plights of others fighting for this and that and though we might feel compassion for them and their fight, they are generally quickly forgotten.

That does not mean we are not caring people, but it does mean that other people tragedies rarely touch us deeply, unless it becomes our own.

That is after all human nature.  No one can totally understand what it is like to walk in another’s shoes unless that same shoes befalls you.

The path that we have never walked can be so easily figured out with much ease sitting in our own chair far removed.

So easy, that we find ourselves being critical of them for not doing this and that  we see so clearly as the obvious solution.

As we pontificate in our far separated ivory towers of feeling well above all the chaos we might read bout in other people lives, our smug remarks regarding their inadequacy to effect any changes that we have already figured out can easily give us a false sense of superiority.

A lot of us have been lucky in life, perhaps much more so that others.  We may have been lucky enough to have been born in a half way normal middle class family.

We neither knew hunger nor the day-to-day strife of having a single mother who came home exhausted after looking after someone else’s kids all day to barely make ends meet.

The divorced single mother or father who has to work two jobs to provide for their kids and has to count every penny.

The medically uninsured who can’t afford their medicines, or someone whose catastrophic illness is not covered and is facing bankruptcy.

Maybe we never had to look in the mirror and confront our black or brown skin and know that would be the first thing people notice about us.

Maybe we never had fear that the real us and our talents would be unnoticed beyond the color of our skin.

Maybe we never had to worry what other people will think when they find out that we embrace a religion that is a minority and worse has been maligned with pejorative terms and prejudices.

What about waking up to the  realisation that you find yourself romantically and sexually attracted to  people of your own sex?

The frightening internal terror that you would  fear in looking at your parents face when you have to tell them that you are homosexual.

The addict that lives day to day having to scrounge around to find a fix or face the painful withdrawal.

The patient who has to live with a severe mental illness that plays tricks on his mind and is constantly tortured with insulting and degrading voices inside his head.

The mother or father who lives in chronic fear that their child battling cancer or other deadly illnesses will breath his last breath.

The immigrant who wasn’t able to fill out all his forms, yet has steadily worked and paid taxes on time, is facing being deported and separated from his wife and kids.

The physically handicapped, where every move can be a challenge of effort and will.

The bottom line is that we can never know exactly what these people are  gong through or the extent of their fears unless it happens to us.

As a therapist, I have been blessed to have borne witness to these painful consternations and  scary situations that others face.

I have even walked in some of their painful shoes, in my own life’s path.

Seeing their tears, listening to their fears or self-inflicted hate, their daily emotional agitation that becomes so woven in their everyday life, that they know no other existence.

I am not asking you to do anything, but to step outside yourself and risk feeling what these people might be going though.

Why? Because compassion and empathy is needed to be knitted within each of us to build a cornerstone of humanity that gives us the capacity to respond to those in need.

That is at least the first step, even if all we can do is offer prayers, which can be powerful in itself.

Increasing your humanity may not be your priority in life until life throws a wrench in your perfectly organised plans for living.

However horrible it is to see someone go through a painful loss or an illness that turns their world upside down, but I have witnessed beneficial changes brought about  by these life changing events.

Hardened hearts can be made softer by the painful plowing through difficult situations we are called to face.

Preconceived hard clumps of prejudice and judgment need to be broken up for compassion and empathy to take root.

Just like parched dry soil, those hearts needed to be plowed in order to plant new seeds of humanity that would have never taken root before.

I have certainly heard many an alcoholic say they are grateful for the grace brought to them through their recovery process in addiction.

The cancer patient who suddenly had to confront rearranging his priorities in life to the benefit of himself and family.

Well, I could on, as I have heard many other examples from those who never had the time, nor desire to think about these struggles that only happens to someone else.

Compassion and kind words given towards others make you feel good by the way. They require little physical effort and free to offer anytime.

You never know what life will throw you, however tight your control may be. It is a fallacy to think you are above the misfortunes that seemingly only happens to other folks.

Someday, you might find yourself walking in shoes you never thought would come your way.

Perhaps you will then hope someone will have the empathy and compassion for you that you  were unable or too busy to have for those whose foot prints you now follow.

 

P.S.  Hope that I have corrected the multitudes of typos and mispellings that I saw, while on vacation in Portugal.