All of us have months, dates, or seasons that we have associative memories, both good and bad. February is one month that brings back some painful and sad memories, wishing I could just as soon zoom past straight to March.
I do not think I am any more superstitious than the average person, but perhaps more associative. Associative memories can exert powerful influences over us, including dampening our mood.
Associative memories are stored in the deep limbic system in our brain. This part of our brain is also involved with emotional bonding, sexuality and smells. Good and bad emotional events will be encoded there and can be triggered for recall or replay.
As mentioned before in another post several months ago on smells, women in general have a larger deep limbic system than males. Therefore women are more in touch with their feelings than males, and probably more prone toward emotional association.
The most common associative memory that changes our mood is the death anniversary of a loved one or beloved pet . I see it in myself and my patients that as the anniversary approaches, we find ourselves becoming quieter or our mood goes down. On the anniversary day, we can re experience the grief we initially felt.
It could be also a painful breakup, divorce and or any other traumatic event that occurred on a specific day. Our psyche has an acute memory of all the feelings we lived through. Even though time has passed, an anniversary of the event will bring to the surface those painful memories and feelings.
PTSD victims too, have these emotional triggers or associative sparks that can cause a flashback. Another name used in psychological circles is an abreaction. These events can be so real, that the patients literally feels he is reliving the trauma, even if it occurred many years ago!
The reason this occurs is that the brain has tracings of all the emotions experience during trauma and or grief , stored in the limbic system. All it takes is a trigger to bring these to the forefront again.
Besides a certain date on a calendar, the most powerful triggers can be smells,sounds, or visual triggers. Whole seasons or weather changes can be triggers too. I had one patient who suffered from chronic PTSD due to combat action in Vietnam, whose mood would always become depressive when warm rainy days appeared.
Passing by a certain place or geographic area will do the same thing. That is why a lot of people will move away from or even avoid an area that they associate with painful or sad memories.
This avoidance is very prevalent as well in PTSD, but seen also in those who have past memories with a lost love or spouse for example. When a patient tells me they can’t go here or there because they vacationed with an ex, I suggest that they replace those uncomfortable feelings with new happy memories, otherwise the avoidance will continue.
Sudden breakups or learning of a betrayal, such as discovering your spouse or companion has been unfaithful can be likewise very traumatic and the brain will encode that as well. Retrieval is never done on purpose, but as the calendar date draws near, the mood may dip and in searching for an explanation, one can realise the connection.
Patients who have suffered having had an abortion are generally afflicted as the anniversary of the procedure draws near, often reliving the guilt and remorse that they carry silently within. I have seen this quite a bit as well as the anniversary of the projected due date if they had carried to term.
All humans are to some extent a walking library of emotional events, securely tucked away in the recesses of their brain. Some may be unconscious due to reppression, but will often exert the same powerful response as conscious memories.
One striking example is when a patient who suffered childhood sexual abuse mostly at night, remained anxious and uncomfortable as soon as evening approached and darkness took over without knowing why. She later in therapy experienced a breakthrough of painful memories of her abuse that generally occurred at night.
In so far as my own associative memories , it was the month of February that three painful events took place. One was the death of my mother who died suddenly on the 12th and was buried on the 14th. Complicating matters, just before her death I suffered from a painful betrayal that intensified my overall grief.
Then two years ago on the 7th, I became so weakened by a pneumonia that I did not even know I had; that my blood pressure dropped suddenly causing me to faint flat-out on the floor. When I revived, I thought I had only suffered a cut chin and broken teeth until 40 minutes later I noticed facial swelling and blood started to drip out of my ear. It was then I became concerned and frightful.
At the emergency room a scan revealed that I had broken my upper and lower jaw and an x-ray of my lungs showed I had pneumonia. So much for surprises in one day! Fortunately, I avoided jaw surgery and was told to keep my jaw shut, not talk, and have only a liquid diet for 6 weeks.
I couldn’t even talk even if I wanted to, because with all the coughing I completed lost my voice for well over a month. In the end my jaws healed perfectly, without any sequelae. The pneumonia sapped my energy and weakened me physically as never before. My lungs healed from the pneumonia, but they have not been the same since.
I am sure that you too have months, dates and seasons where you feel the same underlying discomfort or maybe outright sadness or grief. If you would like to share or comment on your own, I would like to learn of them.
Sharing is always the key to feeling relieved and comforted, knowing we are never alone with our individual afflictions in living this life. So for those of you who listened to me by reading of course; I thank you! I already feel better just in sharing with you.
It is so thoughtful of you to share your experiences so that we can all benefit from your knowledge. Getting effective treatment for PTSD is really difficult.
Thank you Nora for your comment. Effective treatment must start with getting a proper diagnosis; and that depends on the knowledge and experience of the clinician. Not all trauma is of the same severity, so symptoms can vary in intensity and when they appear. With delayed onset PTSD, for example, the majority of symptoms do not appear until years later. Generally after any emotional trauma, there is a numbing period. In children, sexual abuse may be entirely repressed from conscious awareness, until much later in adulthood. The psyche if overwhelmed, can shove traumatic events into one’s mental attic so to speak as a protective mechanism until the patient is able to remember and deal with whatever trauma occurred. Our cognition and perception is a fascinating and very complex entity that we still do not totally understand.
im glad you shared that too Cherry. I remember that abourt your mother and when you got very sick. I hate when reminders come along and makes us have to relive and feel that pain all over again.I hope you will be ok until spring gets here. I know you love flowers and a garden. I bet there will be lots of flowers at the markets there when it is spring.i will keep you in my prayers and hope you will be ok..love, Becky
Thank you so much Becky for your very sweet message! I do indeed look forward to spring and of course planting some more flowers. I was able to winter over some geraniums by bringing them in when the temperature dropped well past freezing a week ago, while I was in Budapest, but they are back out. A lemon tree and a solandra maxima spend the winter in my living room though. I love the smell of lemon blossoms and the coconut scented flowers of the solandra!
Dear Cherry– This is a very intense and true topic–EXACTLY–reflects my experiences–and I recall dates vividly–maybe too much so; would love to discuss with you in person some time–
And yes— I remember–even though I had not seen your Mother in a long time–I read about it ( I thought about you)– AND 2 days later– February 14, 2000–my Uncle died that night and I had sold my home on Lakeshore that morning–a chapter finished–and in May— I moved to Gulf Shores– with my 15 yr old cat and 14 yr old Black Lab–turning a new page–and to write a new chapter–
As I said in the post, we all carry neuronal tracings in our limbic system, so you are normal in remembering and having corresponding mood changes associated with whatever event took place in the past. I am glad you were able to see your move as a new chapter in your life. Changes, though never fully embraced, nor necessarily wanted, are good for us, as it is a renovation of our psyche so to speak.