The Trap of Rinky Dink Resolutions

As you might guess from the my title, I am not much of a fan of New Year’s resolutions.  Not because they aren’t made in all sincerity.  Most of the time they are!  It is just they are by nature inviting resistance from the very people who made them!  You!

You might ask, but how is that?  Do we just set ourselves up to fail?  Are we all just too undisciplined to carry through with our resolutions?  Are we unconsciously not really that invested?

Perhaps there is a grain on truth in all of the above.  All in all human  beings are by nature creatures of habit.  Saying that then there is a natural tendacy to revert back to the previous status quo, whatever that has been.

Wanting to change something in our lives is all good and positive, but is has to come about through changing a vision of ourselves, rather than tweaking a few things  like we are Lego or tinker toy  figures.

Resolutions, however positive they might be, can be as empty in genuinity as a fast food burger. They are the quick fixes that trick you into thinking they are going to change some aspect of your life through sheer commands.

Resolutions come from resolute, which means decisive, firm, determined and unwavering.  Within each resolution is a seed of resistance just waiting to thwart your best intentions.

Why? Because human beings really don’t want to be told commando style what to do, even by yourself.  Especially that after Jan 1, you are going to do this and that!  So in the end, the resistance usually wins, and before long, that New Year’s resolution made in all earnest, ends up going  on the wayside, as just another good intention.

As one of my patients use to say; the path of hell is paved with good intentions.  Although I personally do not believe that, I do indeed get the gist.  A good intention doesn’t get you very far without at least some action.

As I said earlier, creating a vision or image requires an honest assessment of where we are in life and where we want to go.  It is all about creating a different image that we want to evolve into, not shoved and commanded at some magical date.

It is a way that avoids the inevitable resistance I see so often in making absolute resolutions.  It is a softer way to bring about changes you ordinarily would want to accomplish through making resolutions, because it deviates from holding yourself to a strict yes or no mentality.

When you fault on carrying through whatever resolution you made for the New Year, you have just another excuse to kick your self and feel like a failure.  That in itself can be enough for some to just throw in the towel and give up for the rest of the year.

Rather than holding a gun to yourself with a resolution to start doing this and that come January, decide what you want to accomplish for yourself the coming year. Remember  that you don’t have to be like a roaring bull behind the gate raring to come out kicking and bucking.

Change should come slowly.  You don’t have to jerk yourself in shape all at once.   Make a list of baby steps that will lead to the desired change. Then you have to give yourself enough slack to ease off sometimes, yet keep the vision alive.

You must always reward yourself for any efforts towards the change and not kick yourself when you get sidetracked for a while.  You can always get back on track.

Sharing your desired vision or new image with a trusted other, can be beneficial as once we have bounced off our desires with another person that cares about us, they can be our cheerleaders and encourage us on.

The key towards making any change in your life, beside the decision to do so,  is persistence towards the goal, not speed.  Aim to be a tugboat rather than a sailboat to avoid loosing  your sails in the rough waters of life.

I love the wisdom of the  I Ching hexogram saying that you do not get good results by going out in the rice field and pulling up a new shoot.  Well it is the same with us.  We have a season to grow and season to be dormant, yet dormancy can be beneficial as it stores up energy, just like a plant, to be fruitful again when the timing is right.

So whatever you desire for yourself in the coming year, see yourself doing it with your imagination and hold that vision.  Look into what steps you can realistically do that will lead you towards that goal.

As an example from my own life, was my desire to come here to live.  I kept seeing myself here even when I was not doing anything concretely to advance the goal.  Eventually life presented me circumstances that opened up new doors or new energies to propel me to take action.

Last year I knew I wanted to start  blog to share whatever I could to help others.  I did not give myself a deadline, but kept the idea or vision of doing so in my head. In may, for whatever reason the energy and determination came to get the boat in the water so to speak and my little blog took shape.

Instead of resolution, you can at least pledge to be more kind and loving to yourself, and that includes your body, which has carried you through life so far.   Believe in your goodness and share your talents and passions with others.

There is only one you in the world, and you don’t have to be perfect.  Learn to love your dents and scratches that you have accumulated through your journey on planet earth.   As with sterling silver, it is only with use that it obtains its patina and it is this patina that makes us also even more beautiful.  Bonne Année!