I don’t think that I could have ever been a monk or nun, but It looks like I am becoming one in the middle of the night. No, I am not waking up to the bells of matins, but frankly I might as well, as if these middle of the night awakenings are getting quite frequent.
They are not always consecutive, thank God, but seem to be related more to when there are new moons or full moons, like the last few nights, captured in a womb like pose. Taking long walks, which I do almost every day is helpful, but not completely preventative.
Tossing and turning in my bed, wishing that I could magically command myself to return to sleep, just never works; period. Instead of continuing to fight the inevitable for several hours to no avail, I now just get up, however reluctantly.
Sometimes it is as early as 1:30am, other times it can be between 2:30am to 4:30am. I have little solace knowing that I am not alone, as somewhere around the world, there are monks, both Buddhist and Christian waking up to pray, sing or chant.
When I awaken in the middle of the night, which frankly is more often than not, I find myself drawn to spiritual seeking and solace, which always soothes me into to feeling like I can sleep again. It has now become my own time for sacred lectio divina.
I have always described myself as a truth seeker, however handicapped that I am. In my searching for that or this which may unveil truths not previously known by my little consciousness, I am invariably drawn to the mystical. I have always been that way, and obviously will continue, for it is within my nature to be so.
The monks and nuns in monasteries all over the world are there because of their own choice, so it is normal for them to expect middle of night awakenings. When a bell rings out in the darkness of the night at 3 am, they obediently get up and plod towards a chapel to sing whatever services they have too in their vowed discipline.
I have often wondered if they get tired of being so obedient, which would certainly be a problem for me. I would imagine that their chapels are often cold in the chilly night air, so at least my living room is quite snuggly warm.
I have always found the silence of the night a mystical time of communion. I should clarify that my silence isn’t really silent, as the city never really goes to sleep, but it is quiet enough to tune out whatever sounds do break through.
I can either sit in the darkness and just contemplate, meditate or pray. Often I choose to open up my box to the world, as part of my searching can lead me to new spiritual horizons.
It can be a quiet time to even “join” others in their everyday spiritual paths, through videos and readings. Some monasteries, such as Abbaye Sainte Marie Madeleine near Avignon even offers a direct web cam on their site, for those who want to follow the monks in their daily offices of gregorian chant. http://www.barroux.org
For those who are interested, have a look at their story, which is interesting as they are a rather new monastery. http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXHKvvSfxqk
Some of the most impressive videos have been about Father Lazarus ElAnthony, originally from Australia, who became an hermetic orthodox monk who lives in the mountainous desert of Egypt. He walks 45 minutes up a rather treacherous rocky path to offer Mass every evening. Here is part one of several videos about his life: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhGEcwBtVS8
Then there is the Siberian woman, who was born into and has lived 70 years of her life in one of the most snowy isolated wildernesses on earth. She seems to thrive in her savage aloneness, despite the severe hardships. http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt2AYafET68
The story of the Georgian orthodox monk/priest who remains mostly perched high on a pillar pointing towards the heavens amazes me too. http://www.imdb.com/video/user/vi883924505
These are all modern day mystical hermits, but perhaps one of the most beautiful ones lived many years ago in England; circa, 1342, Julian of Norwich. She spent the majority of her adult life as an anchoress; literally walled up in a church, but occasionally would minister to others to sought her conseil. I love her prodigious writings, which I find beautiful to read.
I sometimes wonder,and even envy how they can be so cut off from the world, which can be frightening sad and cruel to live our lives. I wonder if they hurt less than us other mere mortals, trying to figuring out the incomprehensible workings of our own lives.
Because the only relationships they nurtured are with the Divine, and themselves, are they free from the relentless turmoil human relationships can bring? I wonder if they miss the softness of another’s touch, or if that is a trade off to insulating themselves from ever being rejected or abandoned?
Because I have never had the opportunity to know a hermit, which is not a part of their human repertoire of living, I can only interpret and read between their spoken words. I can and do honour their sacrificial life designed by their needs to be removed from the cares of those left behind.
We all serve an inner voice and mine is called to render solace and comfort to others who suffer. They are my fellow travellers, and through my own living and suffering can witness and hold a guiding light towards deliverance.
The obscurity that the long winter nights offer, are part of the rhythm of life in nature. Trees lose their leaves and become bare, and perhaps I too have to give in to this ritualistic pruning. Dormancy allows for the life force to regroup and be revitalised for the up coming spring.
My reluctant awakenings have brought unexpected ideas and insight, that I like to share with you in my blog, and for that I am very grateful. I equate the darkness as time in the womb of unknowingness, before we are birthed into the Light.
Last December, I wrote a post on this dealing with my Christian perspective of the winter solstice that you can find here; http://https://www.cherrychapman.com/2012/12/20/the-winter-solstice-and-christmas-my-christian-perspective/
Though my monastic middle of the nights searchings are never confined to any tangible walls, I find my revelations, if there are any to be had, are that walls come in many disguises and can be as confining, such as our fears.
I use prayerful meditation and saying the rosary as a way to lull myself back into sleep. Sometimes, especially in the summer months the dawn creeps up with her glorious canvas of pink, gold and blue hues to announce another day.
I would love to hear from my fellow middle of the night searchers. How have you in particular either come to see your awakenings or cope with the obvious interrupted sleep? We can all learn from each other, as each of us has a special and unique path in life.
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I’m more of wine person than beer, but the news I get is that monks are a dying breed. They just can’t find recruits even when they offer a beer education.
(Sleep peacefully)
Last orders looming for Trappist beers as Belgium’s band of brotherly brewers dies off
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/news/last-orders-looming-for-trappist-beers-as-belgiums-band-of-brotherly-brewers-dies-off-9011344.html
Thank you Louis for your interesting link. Indeed, it is sad that Orval Trappist beers are threatened because of a lack of monks. I rarely, if ever drink beer, but once when in Belgium, did have an Orval, which I found delicious.
The monastery that I shared a link to in the south of France is young, and has attracted a fair amount of new monks. They produce wine and olive oil, amongst other things. For one thing, the climate is a lot better than in Belgium!
Cherry, your occasional problems with prematurely awakening after only a couple of hours sleep certainly is not unusual, esp. as we get older. I seem to be experiencing more of that myself during the last several years.
I can’t stand lying in bed trying to get back to sleep for an inordinate amount of time. I frequently enough awaken after a few hours of sleep feeling as though I’ve had a full night of sleep. I’ve learned that if I can’t turn over and get back to sleep, I just get up and do something . . . read a book, surf the internet, work on some project, etc. Fortunately, having a full home office in our residence makes it a little easier to do things in the middle of the night. However, if I don’t go back to bed within an hour or two, I really begin to feel a little “draggy” later in the morning or early afternoon.
While I was reared in a fairly religious Protestant family, with my life experiences, observations and ponderings of it all, my perspective evolved into a more agnostic perception of the world and life. Whether one terms it “spirituality” or sensitivity and awareness of moral and ethical values is a matter of personal perception and categorization. It seems to mostly be a matter of what contributes to one’s sense of emotional well being and comfort.
Personally, to me, the monks, the hermits, the nuns. etc., who chose to be substantially closeted from the rest of humanity are ignoring the gift of life, to live and to experience it fully. To, in essence, institutionalize one’s life being separated from most others just appears to be a reflection of a persons inability or desire to participate in the challenges of life, and the experiences (good and perhaps not so good) that arise in relationships with others. Isn’t the point of life to enjoy life, to thrive, and to contribute to our society and mankind? Those who live in self imposed isolation undoubtedly subsist ,at best, on marginal levels of existence; and for what purpose? I’m not aware of any GREAT “discoveries” or revelations that have arisen to the untold tens of thousands of monks, hermits, nuns, etc. throughout history. It is through their interactions with the world that things are achieved . . . Mother Teresa, etc.
Even with your deep sense of spirituality, you chose to be a psychologist and have spent your career attempting to help others with their emotional problems of all sorts . . . If you had chosen to be a closeted nun, just think of how your patients could not have benefited from your assistance.
A quandary, at least for agnostics such as my self, is that organized religions provide the means, probably the best means, for teaching and ingraining moral and ethical concepts to young people, esp. in the early more formative years of life. I fail to see how the sequestered/isolated monks, hermits, nuns, etc. contribute mush of anything to that, not really. . . . What does it provide other than an “escape from life” from those who chose that type of existence?
It would seem that a certain amount of pondering about “spirituality” (sic. The morality and ethical aspects of life, one’s motivations, and desires) should be a healthy experience and endeavor to keep one’s life focused and perhaps re-centered.
As for your frequent awakenings in the middle of the nights, in spite of your daily long walks, it is said to be beneficial to exercise late in the evenings to promote sound sleep; and ensuring a diet with adequate melatonin is supposed to be beneficial. Sleeping masks can be beneficial also, especially with the city lights of a place like Paris.
This experience of awakening in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep seems to be just one of those rather annoying things that arise with getting older. Now I just get up and mentally get into something else; and then go back to bed after an hour or two. This seems to work fairly well for me. Throughout my life I have most often gotten by on four to six hours of sleep; I always enjoyed working in the quiet of the night without other disruptions or distractions . . . that always worked for me. Now that I am mostly retired, without any ongoing projects, I just have to find other things to do. (Perhaps my reading and pondering the Internet news is my equivalence to your spiritual ponderings and meditations . . . each in their own ways, huh?)
Thank you David for your commentary, that assures me that I am not alone with uninterrupted sleep. I am aware that it may be par for the course, for all of us as we get older. I appreciate your advice about melatonin, which is not sold OTC here, and I must order online. It is definitely something I should try.
On the hermits, nuns and monks, who deprive themselves of the obvious joys of life, I can share your questions, but I do feel we each contribute to the fulness of our existence on earth, even though it might not be in a perceived tangible way. They are total contemplatives who offer prayers to the cosmos. Maybe indirectly, their kind energy touches all humanity, at least I would like to think so.
Cherry, those monks, nuns, and hermits undoubtedly provide spiritual inspiration for many devout believers; and that certainly contribues to their spiritual well being. Religion has always played a critical role in all societies throughout the world; there doesn’t appear to be any type of “replacement” or substitute for religion . . . Kensian economics and communisim certainly haven’t provided an alterantive to developing moral and ethical values or perspectives or developing an empathic concern for man kind either. History demonstrates that most of what we have thought we knew is substantially flawed. They have just recently discovered “dark matter” which purportedly accounts for perhaps 70% – 90% of the “mass” of the universe; and science is just beginning their attempts to unravel what “dark matter” actually is and the role of it in our universe. Additionally, there is the question of whether there may be an infinite number of “parallel universes”, which even Einstein theorized about a half century ago. It is all almost than the common person can perceive. Perhaps spirituality is the best alternative for most people to enjoy the better aspects of life during their life time. Admittedly, one has to be a little envious of those who can put their full faith in spirituality. Personally, I just believe that mankind is embued with the innate spirituality of our nature (via DNA). It just seems to be in our genes; and religion is the best means of developing our awareness and perceptions of that. I guess that the only thing that matters is that it is meaningful for our lives and our well being.
Thank you David for your philosophic introspection about the defining nature of religiosity on societal populations. However you want to look at it, the mysteries of life persists. Man continues to be very arrogantly convinced that we know everything about the universe and her laws.
Being a very humble earth traveler with limited knowledge of so many things, I want to remain open to any revelation the Divine God of Love reveals to me.
I have often believed that we have integrated and mirrored parallel universes into our psyche and our consciousness has loss the distinction of them, as earth life wants us to adhere to a linear aspect of seeing the evolution of lives into the past, present and the future. Perhaps we live in a layered universe, rather than linear? The only truth I personally want to adhere to is law of Love.
I love this article..I have so much trouble sleeping..I sleep off and on all day and night for a few hours and then im wide awake. it if very frustrating for me. and in the middle of the night for me too is when im bothered more.The times i do sleep deeply i seem to have such strange dreams. I do not have any suggestions to offer anyone how to slip back to sleep..I wish i did. I end up wearing myself out to finally fall asleep. but i do know, when i was younger i do know excerise and being on the go alot was good to help me to be able to fall asleep.being awake so much just makes it harder for me, because i sometimes let my thoughts run wild. but praying is very good for me to.i can remember when i was in the hospital at schumpert the nuns would slip in my room in the middle of the night and cherry..that was such a comforting feeling. what wonderful women they are.
thanks again for your writing..very good..love you, becky
Thank you Rebecca for sharing your own sleepless nights frustrations. Sleeping several times during the day is a guaranteed impediment for being able to sleep at night. Daytime sleepiness is related to problems that I have addressed with you in private, and hopefully with some new medication changes and directions, your sleep routine will be able to revert back towards normalcy.
Sweet natured nuns are jewels in disguise and their presence can bless us with special soothing energy. I have been fortunate to have met a few, whose gifts of the Spirit were healing.
At the Miraculous Chapel on Rue du Bac, there is also one who blesses my medals , that is full of that sweetness.