This a healing message for Valentine’s Day for you who have been hurt, abandoned, rejected or disappointed in a love relationship. If you are one of the lucky few who hasn’t , then send it to someone who has.
Valentine’s Day for the wounded can leave you feeling totally left out, depressed, jealous, resentful, miserable, along with a long list of negatives. You can dread it each year and hope it is quickly forgotten, or you can turn it into something positive and even healing.
I am all for making it a day of self love and self celebration. Yes, by all means, treat yourself to some flowers and fine chocolate, or whatever else that brings you joy.
I realise for some that is a hard enough thing to do, especially when you are in grief. And yet, I am here asking you to think about going beyond that, to something that can bring its own rewards to your soul and conscious being.
If you happen to have leftover anger, resentment or even worse, revengeful thoughts, then you are not being kind to yourself to allow these feelings to hang around contaminating your life.
No amount of flowers and chocolates can cover up toxic feelings. Resentment, smoldering anger and revengefulness are powerful toxins that poison you from the insides.
Loving yourself requires that you do what you can to get rid of them and put yourself on a path of healing. Uneliminated they can make you sick emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Even if you are in another relationship, hanging on to toxic feelings from previous ones, will often contaminate your new relationship. I see this happening quite a bit, and can be one of the main reason of relationship failures.
I love the Christian scriptures of Luke 6:32, and Matthew 5:46 that explicitly asks “if you only love and do good to those who love you back, what credit or reward is that to you?”. Being kind and caring to someone who isn’t able to love you back requires taking the higher road spiritually.
Some may ask, why even care about this? Life is difficult as it is and why give those who may have rejected and hurt us a second thought?
Why, is a good question for those who see life as a time of getting what you want, when you want it and accumulating materials goods rather than learning to stretch your humanity.
Stretching your humanness beyond the ordinary may not be any importance, except for those sensitive or spiritual souls who think about such things. Some of us have spiritual lives that go beyond the plain physicality of this world.
Most of you would not have a problem at being reminded that a healthy body needs to exercise. Well, it is the same for those of us who want to progress on our spiritual or humanistic path.
Our ability to eliminate anger and resentment and replace them with forgiveness is a spiritual exercise. To do this expands our spiritual muscles so to speak, because it requires a conscious effort on our part to accomplish.
The rewards are many. First and foremost is the peace that forgiveness will bring you. Forgiveness is not forgetting, but a conscious decision to liberate yourself from the toxic consequences of anger and resentment.
Hanging on to these toxic feelings will get you nowhere and keep you stagnating in the pool of poisonous feelings. Do not let your righteousness keep you from going on the bridge of forgiveness.
Yes, perhaps you were unjustly and cruelly hurt, betrayed or rejected without cause. The persons who did that to you, were indeed wrong and certainly unjustified.
But I am asking you to go beyond your own woundedness to see that person’s state of being at that time, even their own confusion. They too may certainly have been wounded by events in their own life that rendered them insensitive.
You have two choices; to hang on to your toxic feelings, or choose to cross the bridge of forgiveness. Remember, forgiveness is more important for you , not them!
Forgiveness is freedom for you to grow into a greater peace of mind. You do not have to understand the why and wherefores of it all, that is not your job.
Choosing to cross the bridge of forgiveness; you are giving yourself a beautiful gift of healing. You are the only one who can do this, so it must come from you.
For those whose spiritual growth is an important part of their lives, these acts are essential, because without them, you can’t move forward. For every hurtful relationship, there are seeds of growth to be planted and harvested.
The seeds I am referring to are developing compassion for those who have hurt you. Buddhism also teaches the importance of developing these seeds of compassion from each hurtful encounter.
For me, this compassion brings many fruits. It softens your heart not only towards those who wronged you, but towards yourself. Generally, those who are unable to have compassion towards others, have little ability to have compassion towards themselves either.
There are definitive things you can do to achieve a sense of self love and compassion, along with healing rituals that I described in great detail in a previous post published in July 7, 2014. Permalink:
Please take a look, so you can take advantage of some you feel would be appropriate for you. I find one of the most powerful rituals to release hurt and develop compassion is to light candles for those who have hurt you.
In lighting the candle, you want to specifically say: ” I light this candle in the name of (the person’s name). I pray that the wounded part of you that caused me pain heals. I send you love”.
You will feel a sense of release and comfort from doing this. You can certainly do it multiple times if needed.
All of these rituals work from the spiritual realm in a mysterious way. The effects can be immediate and are all accumulative.
I hope you will do them in addition to celebrating your own self love this upcoming Valentine’s Day with whatever brings you joy. Love will weave back into your life when hopefully you are in a higher light and your heart is cleansed of obstacles that have held you back. Hugs