Today, one can read a lot about finding your purpose in life and that is all well and good. But the core value or prima materia that actually should make up your “purpose” must come from your inner vision . A vision constitutes your deepest image of yourself as how you envision or dream about being in the world.
Some of us are lucky to have this so-called vision instilled in us at an early age. True , we may not be able to recognise it at such at the time, which is normal, but we can define this pre image as a child’s innocence dreams of what he/she would like to be.
Even if we have this vision at an early age, that does not mean the path towards fruition will be direct and unhindered by obstacles. Rarely is that the case.
I love listening to children, because they rarely lie, or shall I say more accurately, filter their responses in accordance to your expectations. They fortunately still have this incredible gift to be true to themselves.
By the age of 14 or 16, most of us are already inoculated with the presiding wave/pressure of a tremendous force that has invaded our psyche and moulded us vis-a-vis our place in society. In our teens, our peers can dominate with a lot of pressure towards conformity, often clouding our true selves.
This casting so to speak is also well contaminated by the whims, desires, prodding and or out right manipulations from our parents. Being invested in your children’s future does not mean to turn them into extended versions of yourself.
In some strong willed children, the resistance towards any parental guidance can be utter rebellion. Male teens are more apt to rattle the shutters in their baby steps towards individuation.
For the more sensitive children of the world, none of us are spared. We risk ultimately giving up and defining our own needs by adapting the needs of our parents instead, in hopes of obtaining their long sought out love and approval.
For children growing up in families, where there is a lack of affectionate display, or over criticalness and domination, the risk can be even higher to forgo our true self in order to survive.
For some, crossing into adulthood, there may be little left of our original and virginal self. Only remnants , somewhat discarded and shoved into our psychic attic, lie in hopes of someday being reawaken and pulled into play.
The “adopted self” takes roots and even initially feels as your own, but there comes a time when it starts to erode causing much disturbance and confusion as the false self begins to unravel.
When this occurs on our adult developmental timeline remains rather mysteriously triggered by upheavals either in our personal or professional life. I find in starts to rumble in the mid 30’s and then gains speed as we spill into our mid forties.
By then, others and even ourselves recognises that something inside of us is begging to come forth. The seeds of discomfort have grown with such dimension that we feel we can no longer deny their presence.
For some, this can seem as a threat and the denial takes flight into sublimation, by working long hours so as the prevent any real opportunity for conscious confrontation.
The longer we try to suppress these swelling winds of discontent, we risk becoming depressed or out of sorts and may even unconsciously invite illness. Others might take notice and tell us we are going through a mid-life crisis or change.
Relationships may falter or fail. Careers lose steam or become stagnant. What we thought we wanted for so many years, no longer holds our interest as before.
Our enthusiasm wanes as we begin to honestly take inventory to where our life lived so far has taken us. This is for most people a slow process of awakening, but for others can be more dramatic.
This upheaval may be necessary in order to break through the binds that no longer serve us. We become solitary revolutionaries in the sense that only we can bring forth our real self.
The process of differentiation and individualization must be ours alone. Therapists can hold the lantern, helping you clear away the cobwebs accumulated along your path and provide guidance and encouragement for you to seek your truth.
Creating time alone is really essential at this stage, which is hard to do caught up in the midst of parenting and or providing a living for yourself and family. Spouses can feel threatened at this time, if they are not own their on path of self discovery.
Being in nature provides the most nourishing environment for self-reflection. American indians encouraged their young members to take on vision quests as preparation for finding their path and initiating into their society.
Doing your own vision quests in nature can be designed to fit your own comfort and safety needs. Mountains, forests and seacoasts provide a perfect environment and energy to go inward. Being quiet and listening to our silence, offers us a chance to bring forth new feelings and thoughts to arise from the dept of our psyches.
Formal spiritual retreats may be helpful for those who need more structure, guidance and instruction. Make sure they are in rather secluded environments that provides this exchange with nature.
Giving birth to this image might mean changes and that is where the most courage comes into play. For some it requires a leap into the unknown, which the majority of expats know all to well and is fodder for an upcoming post.
Individuation does not involve selfish and callous discarding of those who may depend on us, be it spouse or children as unfortunately Gauguin did. Reciprocal love and caring for those and from those in our families hopefully permeates any decisions of change we might feel inclined to take.
Visions of ourselves are flexible and expandable throughout the years. We might see ourselves as evolving more into other roles, though generally these new ones will still reflect our core self and values.
The health care physician/ clinician becomes an artist or writer, whereas a politician or lawyer might migrate towards more benevolent activities, where their gifts can be used in a new direction. The stay at home mom turns into an entrepreneur. A businessman feels called into the ministry. A nurse becomes a passionate winemaker. All true stories !
Discovering your true self and vision is an act of self-love. Individuation is the ultimate developmental and psychological step towards bridging the divine unity with who you are. There is only one you in the world!
In turn your gifts are shared with others, hopefully bringing more justice, joy, beauty, clarity or peace into the world. In a broader sense, discovering and evolving your true vision certainly has spiritual connotations, because you are returning back to your true source and why you were brought into this world in the first place.
Excellent article…..and so true!
Thank you for your kind comment! Difficulties in finding their true vision, is something I see often in patients, especially coming from certain families as mentioned in the post. I find it very fulfilling in encouraging and helping them regain their true selves!